The Single Girl's Guide To Doing Fewer Chores: Laundry

“So, sassypants, what’d you think of that show?” 

It was a good date night, so my response is, “pretty rad. Intermission was a bit long. I was on the edge of my seat waiting for the second half of the program.” 

“It was great! Good people watching, the wine was drinkable and the storytelling entertaining.”

This back-and-forth dialogue continues, me with myself. As a single girl – and now as a single girl living in a new city where I don't know many people - I often take myself on date nights with me. The conversation after the show, meal or what-have-you is always pleasant, since I’m always right and myself always agrees.

So is the case this evening after my first attendance of Story Story Night in Boise. The conversation continues as I throw in a load of laundry to clean a few things including part of my Halloween costume that I’ll need in 2 days. I should’ve known – chores on a date night are a no-no. Rather then receiving a reprimand for my blunder, what I learn next instead is a fantastic shortcut!

Coaxing Maile to eat her dinner as I put clean dishes in the cabinets (again, chores + date night= no-no) a crash comes from the laundry room and she bolts out of the kitchen. “What in tarnation?!” I ask myself.

Turning on the light, I see my brand new bottle of more expensive than average, eco-friendly laundry detergent has fallen to the floor, the cap is now broken, and viscous goo slithers across the floor. Here is where the lesson comes in: Make your house clean as a whistle without cleaning anything.

1. Break open a bottle of laundry detergent and spill 1/3 to ½ the contents onto the floor and under the washer and the dryer (and onto your shoes, recycle bin, already clean laundry and dirty laundry, too). Now everything, including your stinky recycle bin smells divine! Smell is key to cleanliness, cleanliness is kind of an attractive quality, men like attractive things or so I’ve been told. The conclusion is that you could really have found the secret to dating success: laziness matched with detergent spills. You really could stop here, but…

2. Step in the goo unexpectedly as your brain slowly processes the situation and comes up with a plan of goo-tackling action. Your foot is now clean – sort of gooey clean – or at least you smell clean so now you don't have to take a shower for at least 2, maybe 3, more days. Score!

3. Brain fires off a plan and you decide to wipe up the excess goo. It takes about 5 or 6 dog-bath towels which are now soaked in goo. Now, when you do laundry in the future, just throw in one of the goo soaked (soon to be dried and caked) towels into the laundry with the other dirty clothes. Voila! You don't even have to pour laundry detergent into the washer. Bonus chance to be lazy!

4. Goo on the linoleum floor becomes sticky after a time as it starts to dry and coagulate. It also remains sweet-smelling. Sweet smells combined with sticky goo makes a fantastic bug trap. No more swatting of insects or hanging out traps for you. Bugs are caught in the semi-dried goo all on their own! And since the laundry room is in the back of the house, no one will ever see the bug graveyard!

To summarize, spill laundry detergent goo. Step in it, let it run across the floor and everything in its path, kind of clean it up with towels, leave the remainder goo to dry. The result? Your home always smells of laundry without you having to pick up any bottles of sanitizing spray (less cleaning with smelly supplies), so does your foot (less showering), and you don't have to pick up the container to pour laundry detergent in the machine for weeks (those dang bottles weigh so damn much its like a workout to pick them up). Plus, after a rainstorm, rub the dirty dog with a goo-dried towel – BOOM - clean dog! That’s at least 5 chores avoided.

And there you have it. Go forth and be dirty.